Secondary Gain NLP

In this hub I will discuss the concept of secondary gain. You should have a look at the hub NLP Basics before reading this hub as it will provide useful background and will make the concepts discussed easier to follow.

Secondary gain is the concept that all actions have a positive intent. When we look at some peoples behaviour for example destruction caused in the recent London riots it is sometimes difficult to understand why people would do what they do. The important point to realise is that even seemingly random acts of destruction have a positive intent. Even if the behaviour is destructive towards the person who is pursuing it such as alcoholism, there is still a positive intent the problem it is concealed beneath the act which is damaging. 


This concealed benefit is called secondary gain. For example the person who engages in seemingly pointless acts of destruction may acquire esteem from his peers. This is the secondary gain. So while the original act maybe of benefit to no one, there is a benefit to the person who has committed it. 

So why is this important? One of the tenets of NLP is that the responsibility for communication is on you as the communicator. Once you have discovered the concealed positive intentions of the other with you will have the resources required for effective communication. As an NLP communicator you need to have flexibility and finding secondary gain is part of this flexibility. 


Once you have discovered this secondary gain you will be able to find a way to address it in a way which is more positive for the person and others. For example with the person causing reckless damage there are more positive ways they could gain esteem. But in order to effect change you need first understand the other person.

The NLP Mind Set

We know that peak performance is not something that is beyond the reach of humans. In fact it seems to be in our nature to strive towards seemingly insurmountable goals. We strive to know what lies beyond those peaks. A success worshipping society and those around spur us on to achieve the heights of these peaks.

Often in the process we will even forget why we are trying so hard to achieve these goals. The rewards we receive in terms of prizes, acclaim and respect often means that we believe that achieving these goals or peaks is the only worthwhile achievement. If we fall even only slightly short it is often viewed as a failure. If we look at the commentary on successful sports people or movie stars it is full of questioning of how long they can maintain their leading position. The problem with this idealisation of the peak is that makes us believe that in order for us to be happy we must have everything in our life must be perfect. We must have the perfect home life. We must be highly successful in career. We need to own a big house and a fancy car. We must be well read and in peak physical shape. All these things are in fact well worth striving for. But the question needs to be asked. Do we need to achieve these things to be happy? Is it possible that we could choose to be happy today if we wanted to?

Of course it is fantastic to celebrate the peaks of your life. It is important to reward yourself when you achieve something great. Not only do you deserve your reward but also it reinforces positive behaviour. However life should not be thought of only consisting of a series of peaks with a long, drawn out lows in between. A much more healthy approach is to celebrate life each and every day. No matter what peak you achieve, the exhilaration will not last for ever.  In fact you may find it lasts for a much shorter time than you would think.

When we listen to people we realise that most of them live their lives with their happiness dependent on something future even. They will be happy as soon as they lose weight or they get that promotion. NLP however shows us how to be happy no matter what happens. Be happy today. If you long for a relationship, then that is a great goal. You may be even happier than you are as a single person. But why not choose to be happy now. The process to achieve this happiness is to be grateful. Notice what you like about the world today. Take happiness in ordinary and simple events. Achieving the peaks maybe a worthy goal, but true happiness lies in being thankful for the day.

The Power of Belief with NLP

Most of us know that there is a huge amount of potential within ourselves. We have heard stories of people doing amazing feats just because they believed they could. Or we hear about people who cure themselves of terminal diseases just through the power of their mind.

These stories illustrate the importance of the “placebo effect.” A placebo is a pill which has no active ingredients in it. These are given to patients to use a control when testing our experimental drugs. The people who take these drugs do so with the understanding that the drugs will help them. The amazing thing is, even though these pills contain no actual active ingredients there is a significant percentage of people who will improve after taking the drugs. These people have an expectation that the drugs will have a positive impact on them. There mind truly believes that they are taking life saving medication.

The founders of NLP Richard Bandler and John Grinder analysed the data on the placebo effect. What they found was that Placebos were proven to be effective approximately 20 percent of the time. This is an amazing result considering that these drugs actually contained no chemicals which would have a positive impact on the patient. Whilst the modern medical profession likes to disregard the placebo effect because they wish to create medicines which are not reliant on the belief of the medicine, the results of this study are undeniably impressive. It is also important to bear in mind that Bandler and Grinder were looking for something different when they looked at the placebo effect data. To them it showed just how much potential was unused by people normally. It showed that the mind was literally able to heal the body. If your mind is able to achieve this, what other feats could it be capable of?

This study was a jumping point off for the two researchers. The question was how to use belief to solve seemingly impossible tasks.

NLP holds the answer to this question. One of the best ways to change your belief mindset is through the use of the Swish Technique. This technique takes disempowering beliefs and replaces them with empowering beliefs instead. The great thing about changing a belief is that it takes no time at all. The effect of using the Swish Technique is improved through regular reinforcement. However your belief can be changed in an instant. This is the true power of NLP.

How To Anchor NLP

n NLP we have a set of tools which will help you create positive states in yourself. We refer to these tools as anchoring techniques. The analogy extends from the fact that it is a ships anchor which provides it with stability in open waters. In NLP we use the word anchor as external stimulus that sets off a particular internal state.

An example of anchor might be the way that the smell of fried chicken might starts to make your mouth water. Or for example the green light lets us know it’s time to go. One of the most famous examples of anchoring is pavlov's dogs. Pavlov trained the dogs by ringing a bell when dinner was presented to them. After a while even if the dinner was removed. The dogs would start to water at the sound of the bell.

Using NLP anchors will help you to find ways to use your positive experiences to help you deal with more trying situations.

How To Set an Anchor

Step One: You need to first get clear about the positive state that you want to get into. When you describe this state you want to be very specific about what it will be like.

Step Two: Remember a time in the past when you were in that state. Even if the situation might be different to the one you are in now as long as it is a comparable state you can use it.

Step Three: You want to re experience that time in as much detail as you possibly can. You want to be totally in the experience. Remember the sights, the sounds, the tastes and what you were thinking and feeling inside.

If you have followed these steps you should be in a high positive state. This is when you want to set an anchor for yourself. A good physical anchor is using your hands. Look at your hands and see they are doing as you remember the experience. Make a special movement with your hands such as a clenched fist. You do not have to do a physical anchor like this however, you could also create a mental image to use as your anchor. Or any other anchor associated with one of your senses.

In the future when you want to get back into a powerful, resourceful state simply fire the anchor. In the example I used before I suggested a clenched fist. Do this action again to trigger the positive state.
The anchor you use should have certain features. Firstly it should be unique and distinctive. It should be an action that you would not use every day or a sound that is not commonplace and it should be an action that is unique to you. The timing of setting the anchor is also important. You should set the anchor when you are at your peak state. You also need to repeat the action, anchoring needs to be reinforced.

Belief Change nlp

Beliefs are powerful things. That can empower you and let you achieve great things but they can also limit your thoughts and hold you back.NLP can teach you the techniques to change your beliefs to empower you to get anything in life you want.

The most famous example of how thoughts can limit what you achieve is the four minute mile. For thousands of years humans have believed that a person could not run a mile in under four minutes. It was not until Roger Bannister actually ran the four minute mile that more than a dozen other runners followed in his path. Bannister had to first change his belief that a human could break the four minute mile barrier before he could actually do it. Once it had been demonstrated that it was actually possible to break the four minute mile. Other runners also believed with certainty that they too could run a mile under four minutes and they did so. Of course belief alone is not enough, banister and these other runners had to be in the sort peak physical condition that would let them be capable of such a feat. But it was a change in belief that made it possible.

Many people do not want to change their beliefs because it is the glue that holds their world together. But are these beliefs effecting your life positively or negatively. If your beliefs are having a negative effect on you then you need to change your beliefs. We often believe something because it provides with a sense of comfort but it may not be helping us.

When you think of your belief you may make a picture or have a feeling or hear something or experience these things in combination. These qualities of your beliefs visual, auditory and kinaesthetic are called modalities. These can be fine tuned with sub modalities. These are things such as brightness, size and distance for visual modalities or tone for auditory modalities or brightness and location for feelings.

If we want to change our beliefs we need to adjust its submodalities. We can use this process to lessen the power of disempowering belief and replace it with an empowering belief.

Building Rappot

Rapport is the ability to create a two way connection between people. As an NLP Communicator you will learn how to quickly create that connection with people so that you are able to bring them around to your point of view. If you want to lead people then you need to be able to effectively communicate with them. And you cannot create effective communication without rapport.

The first skill you will want to acquire is matching and mirroring. Have a look around at your local bar or restaurant. Find too people who seem to be deeply connected. Just by observing their body language you will notice how much they seem to be in tune with each other. Their motions and the way they talk naturally matches and complements each other. In contrast to this is mismatching. Take for example a supervisor yelling at a cowering employee. They are obviously mismatched and not in rapport. This is not an effective way to communicate with people.

We use match and mirror to naturally replicate the actions of the other person so as to build rapport. This matching and mirroring should includes matching their body posture and their gestures. It should also include matching their breathing rates. It also goes as far as matching their energy level. If you the sort of energetic person who is bouncing all over the place you might think that this will be inspiring for a person who is more restrained. But in fact you will not be in rapport with this person. You need to “Turn down” your energy levels to match the other person. Remember effective communication is your responsibility.

There is an important point to note here. If the person realises you are actively trying to mimic them then chances are they will feel like they are being mocked and you fall out of rapport. You need to have some subtly. Create rapport in steps. If you do this naturally then there is little chance that the other person will notice how you have changed your own actions.

You need to learn how to pace. Pacing is about keeping in step with the other person. It is about really listening to them and seeing where they are coming from. You need to be patient with people. Don’t try and force your opinion quickly upon them because it won’t be effective.

Once you have matched and mirrored the other person you will be able to take it to another level and start to lead the other person. Having created rapport you will be able to subtly shift the person down the path you wish them to take, leading them off in a fresh direction. By opening up effective communication the other person will more readily agree with what you are saying. Because it seems to be in congruence with what they themselves believe that are more likely to accept your suggestions.

NLP Outcomes

Are you feeling a little uninspired? Feeling like nothing you do is that significant? Here is an exercise to help you break out of that and help you define your life's mission
We are all capable of greatness. When we look to our heroes we think that they are somehow apart from us. That we do not have what the have. But remember they were once “normal citizens”. One of my favourite stories is of Julius Caesar. At the age of thirty he was posted to a village were he was minor functionary. Seeing a statue of his hero Alexander the Great. He fell to the ground and wept. Because by the time Alexander was his age he had already conquered the known world and Caesar was still a small town government official. Later though Caesars name would become the living definition of power it is were the word csar is derived from. At that moment though Caesar did not yet know of his future greatness although his potential was already there.
Whoever it is that you admire, whatever strengths they embody to you. Remember that you are just as capable of achieving what they have as well.
This thought exercise will allow you to step inside your heroes shoes and see what it is to have a life's mission.
Step One : Think of someone who inspires you. It maybe a great humanitarian like Florence Nightingale, or a great leader like John F Kennedy. Or it might be someone that you know personally. It can even be a fictional person. If Captain America personifies your idea of greatness and moral courage then that is a fine choice too
Step Two: Choose a goal that your particular here achieved. For example say you loved the Social Network and your hero is Mark Zuckerberg. Maybe it was the scene when is furiously writing the code that will help to create Facebook. Or your hero might be Gandhi. Here maybe the goal was giving a speech that would inspire people to civil disobedience. No matter what the goal achieved was make a short film in your head of about thirty seconds of them achieving that goal. See the image up close, in full colour, hear the sounds and feel what it is like. Make it as inspiring as possible. Now run the movie back to the beginning and place it on pause.
Step Three: Become your hero, take their role in the movie. Think about what is motivating them, what there mission is. Now play the movie but this time with you in the heros role
Step Four: Staying in that role ask yourself why did I take this action to achieve the goal? How did the goal fit into my mission? What did it feel like to achieve this goal?
Step Five: Think about what resources becoming your hero has brought in you which will help you achieve your mission.
Hopefully by completing this exercise you have gained a feeling for what it is like to pursue mission orientated goals. Remember your heroes were once like you too.