NLP Master Course

Secondary Gain NLP

2011-10-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

In this hub I will discuss the concept of secondary gain. You should have a look at the hub NLP Basics before reading this hub as it will provide useful background and will make the concepts discussed easier to follow.

Secondary gain is the concept that all actions have a positive intent. When we look at some peoples behaviour for example destruction caused in the recent London riots it is sometimes difficult to understand why people would do what they do. The important point to realise is that even seemingly random acts of destruction have a positive intent. Even if the behaviour is destructive towards the person who is pursuing it such as alcoholism, there is still a positive intent the problem it is concealed beneath the act which is damaging.

This concealed benefit is called secondary gain. For example the person who engages in seemingly pointless acts of destruction may acquire esteem from his peers. This is the secondary gain. So while the original act maybe of benefit to no one, there is a benefit to the person who has committed it.

So why is this important? One of the tenets of NLP is that the responsibility for communication is on you as the communicator. Once you have discovered the concealed positive intentions of the other with you will have the resources required for effective communication. As an NLP communicator you need to have flexibility and finding secondary gain is part of this flexibility.

Once you have discovered this secondary gain you will be able to find a way to address it in a way which is more positive for the person and others. For example with the person causing reckless damage there are more positive ways they could gain esteem. But in order to effect change you need first understand the other person.

The NLP Mind Set

2011-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

We know that peak performance is not something that is beyond the reach of humans. In fact it seems to be in our nature to strive towards seemingly insurmountable goals. We strive to know what lies beyond those peaks. A success worshipping society and those around spur us on to achieve the heights of these peaks.

Often in the process we will even forget why we are trying so hard to achieve these goals. The rewards we receive in terms of prizes, acclaim and respect often means that we believe that achieving these goals or peaks is the only worthwhile achievement. If we fall even only slightly short it is often viewed as a failure. If we look at the commentary on successful sports people or movie stars it is full of questioning of how long they can maintain their leading position. The problem with this idealisation of the peak is that makes us believe that in order for us to be happy we must have everything in our life must be perfect. We must have the perfect home life. We must be highly successful in career. We need to own a big house and a fancy car. We must be well read and in peak physical shape. All these things are in fact well worth striving for. But the question needs to be asked. Do we need to achieve these things to be happy? Is it possible that we could choose to be happy today if we wanted to?

Of course it is fantastic to celebrate the peaks of your life. It is important to reward yourself when you achieve something great. Not only do you deserve your reward but also it reinforces positive behaviour. However life should not be thought of only consisting of a series of peaks with a long, drawn out lows in between. A much more healthy approach is to celebrate life each and every day. No matter what peak you achieve, the exhilaration will not last for ever. In fact you may find it lasts for a much shorter time than you would think.

When we listen to people we realise that most of them live their lives with their happiness dependent on something future even. They will be happy as soon as they lose weight or they get that promotion. NLP however shows us how to be happy no matter what happens. Be happy today. If you long for a relationship, then that is a great goal. You may be even happier than you are as a single person. But why not choose to be happy now. The process to achieve this happiness is to be grateful. Notice what you like about the world today. Take happiness in ordinary and simple events. Achieving the peaks maybe a worthy goal, but true happiness lies in being thankful for the day.

The Power of Belief with NLP

2011-10-07T19:50:00.001-07:00

Most of us know that there is a huge amount of potential within ourselves. We have heard stories of people doing amazing feats just because they believed they could. Or we hear about people who cure themselves of terminal diseases just through the power of their mind.

These stories illustrate the importance of the “placebo effect.” A placebo is a pill which has no active ingredients in it. These are given to patients to use a control when testing our experimental drugs. The people who take these drugs do so with the understanding that the drugs will help them. The amazing thing is, even though these pills contain no actual active ingredients there is a significant percentage of people who will improve after taking the drugs. These people have an expectation that the drugs will have a positive impact on them. There mind truly believes that they are taking life saving medication.

The founders of NLP Richard Bandler and John Grinder analysed the data on the placebo effect. What they found was that Placebos were proven to be effective approximately 20 percent of the time. This is an amazing result considering that these drugs actually contained no chemicals which would have a positive impact on the patient. Whilst the modern medical profession likes to disregard the placebo effect because they wish to create medicines which are not reliant on the belief of the medicine, the results of this study are undeniably impressive. It is also important to bear in mind that Bandler and Grinder were looking for something different when they looked at the placebo effect data. To them it showed just how much potential was unused by people normally. It showed that the mind was literally able to heal the body. If your mind is able to achieve this, what other feats could it be capable of?

This study was a jumping point off for the two researchers. The question was how to use belief to solve seemingly impossible tasks.

NLP holds the answer to this question. One of the best ways to change your belief mindset is through the use of the Swish Technique. This technique takes disempowering beliefs and replaces them with empowering beliefs instead. The great thing about changing a belief is that it takes no time at all. The effect of using the Swish Technique is improved through regular reinforcement. However your belief can be changed in an instant. This is the true power of NLP.

How To Anchor NLP

2011-10-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

n NLP we have a set of tools which will help you create positive states in yourself. We refer to these tools as anchoring techniques. The analogy extends from the fact that it is a ships anchor which provides it with stability in open waters. In NLP we use the word anchor as external stimulus that sets off a particular internal state.

An example of anchor might be the way that the smell of fried chicken might starts to make your mouth water. Or for example the green light lets us know it’s time to go. One of the most famous examples of anchoring is pavlov's dogs. Pavlov trained the dogs by ringing a bell when dinner was presented to them. After a while even if the dinner was removed. The dogs would start to water at the sound of the bell.

Using NLP anchors will help you to find ways to use your positive experiences to help you deal with more trying situations.

How To Set an Anchor

Step One: You need to first get clear about the positive state that you want to get into. When you describe this state you want to be very specific about what it will be like.

Step Two: Remember a time in the past when you were in that state. Even if the situation might be different to the one you are in now as long as it is a comparable state you can use it.

Step Three: You want to re experience that time in as much detail as you possibly can. You want to be totally in the experience. Remember the sights, the sounds, the tastes and what you were thinking and feeling inside.

If you have followed these steps you should be in a high positive state. This is when you want to set an anchor for yourself. A good physical anchor is using your hands. Look at your hands and see they are doing as you remember the experience. Make a special movement with your hands such as a clenched fist. You do not have to do a physical anchor like this however, you could also create a mental image to use as your anchor. Or any other anchor associated with one of your senses.

In the future when you want to get back into a powerful, resourceful state simply fire the anchor. In the example I used before I suggested a clenched fist. Do this action again to trigger the positive state.
The anchor you use should have certain features. Firstly it should be unique and distinctive. It should be an action that you would not use every day or a sound that is not commonplace and it should be an action that is unique to you. The timing of setting the anchor is also important. You should set the anchor when you are at your peak state. You also need to repeat the action, anchoring needs to be reinforced.

Belief Change nlp

2011-09-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

Beliefs are powerful things. That can empower you and let you achieve great things but they can also limit your thoughts and hold you back.NLP can teach you the techniques to change your beliefs to empower you to get anything in life you want.

The most famous example of how thoughts can limit what you achieve is the four minute mile. For thousands of years humans have believed that a person could not run a mile in under four minutes. It was not until Roger Bannister actually ran the four minute mile that more than a dozen other runners followed in his path. Bannister had to first change his belief that a human could break the four minute mile barrier before he could actually do it. Once it had been demonstrated that it was actually possible to break the four minute mile. Other runners also believed with certainty that they too could run a mile under four minutes and they did so. Of course belief alone is not enough, banister and these other runners had to be in the sort peak physical condition that would let them be capable of such a feat. But it was a change in belief that made it possible.

Many people do not want to change their beliefs because it is the glue that holds their world together. But are these beliefs effecting your life positively or negatively. If your beliefs are having a negative effect on you then you need to change your beliefs. We often believe something because it provides with a sense of comfort but it may not be helping us.

When you think of your belief you may make a picture or have a feeling or hear something or experience these things in combination. These qualities of your beliefs visual, auditory and kinaesthetic are called modalities. These can be fine tuned with sub modalities. These are things such as brightness, size and distance for visual modalities or tone for auditory modalities or brightness and location for feelings.

If we want to change our beliefs we need to adjust its submodalities. We can use this process to lessen the power of disempowering belief and replace it with an empowering belief.

Building Rappot

2011-09-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

Rapport is the ability to create a two way connection between people. As an NLP Communicator you will learn how to quickly create that connection with people so that you are able to bring them around to your point of view. If you want to lead people then you need to be able to effectively communicate with them. And you cannot create effective communication without rapport.

The first skill you will want to acquire is matching and mirroring. Have a look around at your local bar or restaurant. Find too people who seem to be deeply connected. Just by observing their body language you will notice how much they seem to be in tune with each other. Their motions and the way they talk naturally matches and complements each other. In contrast to this is mismatching. Take for example a supervisor yelling at a cowering employee. They are obviously mismatched and not in rapport. This is not an effective way to communicate with people.

We use match and mirror to naturally replicate the actions of the other person so as to build rapport. This matching and mirroring should includes matching their body posture and their gestures. It should also include matching their breathing rates. It also goes as far as matching their energy level. If you the sort of energetic person who is bouncing all over the place you might think that this will be inspiring for a person who is more restrained. But in fact you will not be in rapport with this person. You need to “Turn down” your energy levels to match the other person. Remember effective communication is your responsibility.

There is an important point to note here. If the person realises you are actively trying to mimic them then chances are they will feel like they are being mocked and you fall out of rapport. You need to have some subtly. Create rapport in steps. If you do this naturally then there is little chance that the other person will notice how you have changed your own actions.

You need to learn how to pace. Pacing is about keeping in step with the other person. It is about really listening to them and seeing where they are coming from. You need to be patient with people. Don’t try and force your opinion quickly upon them because it won’t be effective.

Once you have matched and mirrored the other person you will be able to take it to another level and start to lead the other person. Having created rapport you will be able to subtly shift the person down the path you wish them to take, leading them off in a fresh direction. By opening up effective communication the other person will more readily agree with what you are saying. Because it seems to be in congruence with what they themselves believe that are more likely to accept your suggestions.

NLP Outcomes

2011-09-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling a little uninspired? Feeling like nothing you do is that significant? Here is an exercise to help you break out of that and help you define your life's mission
We are all capable of greatness. When we look to our heroes we think that they are somehow apart from us. That we do not have what the have. But remember they were once “normal citizens”. One of my favourite stories is of Julius Caesar. At the age of thirty he was posted to a village were he was minor functionary. Seeing a statue of his hero Alexander the Great. He fell to the ground and wept. Because by the time Alexander was his age he had already conquered the known world and Caesar was still a small town government official. Later though Caesars name would become the living definition of power it is were the word csar is derived from. At that moment though Caesar did not yet know of his future greatness although his potential was already there.
Whoever it is that you admire, whatever strengths they embody to you. Remember that you are just as capable of achieving what they have as well.
This thought exercise will allow you to step inside your heroes shoes and see what it is to have a life's mission.
Step One : Think of someone who inspires you. It maybe a great humanitarian like Florence Nightingale, or a great leader like John F Kennedy. Or it might be someone that you know personally. It can even be a fictional person. If Captain America personifies your idea of greatness and moral courage then that is a fine choice too
Step Two: Choose a goal that your particular here achieved. For example say you loved the Social Network and your hero is Mark Zuckerberg. Maybe it was the scene when is furiously writing the code that will help to create Facebook. Or your hero might be Gandhi. Here maybe the goal was giving a speech that would inspire people to civil disobedience. No matter what the goal achieved was make a short film in your head of about thirty seconds of them achieving that goal. See the image up close, in full colour, hear the sounds and feel what it is like. Make it as inspiring as possible. Now run the movie back to the beginning and place it on pause.
Step Three: Become your hero, take their role in the movie. Think about what is motivating them, what there mission is. Now play the movie but this time with you in the heros role
Step Four: Staying in that role ask yourself why did I take this action to achieve the goal? How did the goal fit into my mission? What did it feel like to achieve this goal?
Step Five: Think about what resources becoming your hero has brought in you which will help you achieve your mission.
Hopefully by completing this exercise you have gained a feeling for what it is like to pursue mission orientated goals. Remember your heroes were once like you too.

What Is Neuro Linguistic Programming

2011-09-13T05:38:00.000-07:00

Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP is based on the fact that all humans have the same basic neurological system. The neurological system transmits information that you receive from your environment through your senses to your body. The environment in this sense means not only those things which are most obviously external such as the buildings are you or other people but also means your organs such as your stomach or your eyes.

Your brain receives information. This information is processed and then messages are transmitted to your organs. Not only this but the information that you receive will cause you to feel a certain way. To make you feel joy, or to make you cry and or to laugh.

NLP states that your ability to do anything in life that you want to do be that run a marathon or talk in front of a class is dependent on how you respond to external factors through your nervous system. NLP is based around communication. It is about how to communicate more effectively with yourself and with others.
NLP is built on four foundational elements these are as follows.

Sensory Awareness

Some of us go through our lives without paying much attention to our sensory awareness. What NLP does is show us the importance of our sensory perceptions, whether is the things that you see, the things your hear, or taste or smell. Our sensory perceptions are important and NLP will teach you how to use these for your benefit.

Outcome thinking

Outcome thinking is concerned with thinking about the outcomes that you want rather then getting stuck in a negative problem mode of thinking. It will teaching you to think about the outcome you wish to achieve. Be that a school assignment you want to get an A in or perhaps something larger like your life's meaning.

Rapport

This is about how you build a relationship whith not only others but yourself. It is also probably one of the most important things that NLP can teach you. It will give you a framework to manage your relationships with other people effectively.

Behavioural Flexibility

This is about realising something isn't working and switching your approach. Being able to be flexible is a key tool in NLP.

These four foundational elements are not used in isolation however. You will learn with NLP how to use them effectively together to get the results you desire.

NLP Outcomes

2011-09-10T18:25:00.000-07:00

How To Write An Affirmation

2011-09-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Affirmations are a way for you to change your beliefs that may be holding you back. A well written affirmation can help you to get the outcome in life that you desire. Whether we like it or not we self talk to ourselves all day anyway. If you don’t take control of this self talk however it can be negative . These are negative affirmations such as “I’m not a confident person.” Or “I’m going to fail.” These need to be replaced with positive affirmations, this hub will show you how to create your own positive affirmations.

Make Sure You Are Addressing The Core Issue. When we write our affirmation we have to make sure that we are addressing the real issue. What you see as the problem you want to remedy may only be a symptom of a more underlying problem. For example you may say you want a raise of $50 a week., but perhaps the real issue is one of self confidence.

Next you want to write your affirmations in the present tense. For example “I now weigh 70 kilograms.” Is in the present tense where as “I am going to weigh 70 kilograms” Is not. The difference is important because your mind doesn't know exactly when this is going to take place, so you maybe waiting a while.
Affirmations have to be about YOU. You cannot write affirmations about other people. For example “My employees are a hardworking, diligent and always on time.” Instead an affirmation would be more along the lines of “I lead people to accomplish all that they can with passion and excitement.” Remember this is SELF Improvement. Change yourself first.

Use energy in your affirmations. Use words such as passionate, excited, delighted. You want your affirmations to have force. Find the words that are right for you and drive you one. Also remember that your affirmation should be positive. Never write what you don’t want only write what you do want. However if you are having trouble identifying exactly what it is that you do want. First write down what it is that you don’t want. For example “I don’t want to be thin.” The opposite is that you want to be thin and healthy, this is your affirmation.

Keep your affirmation short and specific, so that they have a greater impact. If appropriate you could include numbers or who you will be with.

Next when you say your affirmation use visualisation. In your mind act as if that state has already come to pass. Your mind cannot differentiate between what is in your mind and what is real. IF your visualise with regularity and intensity then eventually your mind has no choice but to close the gap between external reality and your current situation.

I’m a big fan of incantations which are a slightly different way of doing affirmations. I have put up a post called Tony Robbins Incantation, which shows to of the incantations that the famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins employs. I suggest you check out this hub. And look at how he employs his whole body when he does his incantations.

How To Create A Compelling Future With NLP

2011-09-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

If you want to become truly motivated then you first need to create a compelling future for yourself.

First you need to set the stage. Think about where you will be tomorrow. You need to clearly picture it in your mind. Notice what it looks like. Notice the colors. Hear the sounds and make it as detailed as possible. You want to create your own mental “Theatre”. This is where your future occurs. You will even place yourself on the sage of this future.

Now that you have created this theatre of the mind. See yourself vividly in this future, achieving the goal that you have set for yourself. You should see yourself in this future in bright colours. Make sure that you can clearly see yourself achieving your goal. See it in all the bright colours.

You may want to refer back to the hub on having a well formed goal here. You need to make sure as you see yourself performing this goal that it is well formed. That is it should be positive. It should be about what you will do not what you won’t do. Also you want to do the goal. It can’t be a “should” this will not be a powerful motivator and you won’t achieve your goal. You have to be the one performing the goal it cannot be anybody else. Also it should actually be possible. This doesn’t mean you have to be able to perform the goal now with your current resources but it should be possible for your future person to do it. It needs to be specific and it must fit in with all aspects of your life.

You need to make the image as compelling as possible. Use colour in order to emphasis the state you are in. You can use multiple screens in your theatre to see the action from every angle. Create sound effects like you were in a big budget action movie. Take your time with this. Enjoy the experience of achieving your goal.
Finally notice the pathway. This means notice how this highly compelling future is drawing you in from where you are now. This future you is a certainity. Just find the path from this time to your future success.

Goal Setting Process With NLP

2011-09-10T05:34:00.000-07:00

Without a plan goal setting becomes not much more than wishful thinking. It is great to create a compelling future which will drive you forward and motivate you. And you do not want to fall down any of these goal setting pitfalls. But you also need a clear plan of attack. This hub will help you formulate that plan.
First you will want to visit your future goal. Go to that time when you have achieved that goal. And enjoy the success of a goal achieved. See how it feels to have achieved that goal. Have a sense of the time and date that the goal has been achieved. You really want to take the chance to revel in your own success.
Now look even further into your future. See how achieving this goal has positively impacted your life. See how your lifes mission continues on forward.

Now it is time to change up. Look back into your past. You need to find the path that has lead you to here. See yourself now reading this. See how that person reading this hub got from here to where they are now.
Following this you will start to walk along the path that you took. Start at the end where the goal has already been achieved. Allow your unconscious mind to show you what you did along the way in order to achieve your goal. Notice who has helped you along the way. See what events took place. See what you have learnt. Hear what you needed to listen to.

Now you want to hone in and see the specific steps that you took. What did you need to do bring your abilities to the point where they could achieve this goal? See what resources you had to obtain, what specific actions you had to take, who you had to meet with. See these in concrete step by step processes. And work your way through this process step by step in your mind. Enjoy the process. See how this step by step process is part of your larger mission.

Now you want to take some notes. Write down what you have had to do. What specific actions you had to take. And when you needed to take these actions and how long it took you.
Return to your present self. You should now have a greater appreciation for steps you will need to take on your path. Now that you have envisioned your future you can add to your vision for your compelling future and get yourself even more motivated.

techniques of motivation

2011-09-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

Motivation comes from two different sources. One is Inspiration the other is desperation. People might see a problem in their particular market that they could fix with an innovative new product. Or they may see an opportunity to help people. This is motivation by inspiration.

On the other hand is desperation. Some of us will get into such desperate situations. Were we are completely broke. That we feel like that we can go no lower. That we have nothing to lose. That we feel desperate to change our situations. And this will drive us on to change our lives no matter the cost. Desperation can be a very powerful motivator.

It would seem that the rewards offered by being well motivated would in themselves be enough. We almost all know that if we drive forward with enough relentless energy that we can achieve great wealth and a life of pleasure for ourselves. However even though the prize may seem great it doesn't seem enough. Part of the problem is that there are many things along the way that must be completed but we take no pleasure from. It is these things that require us to be well motivated.

The two types of motivation are quite different in nature. In NLP they are defined as “away from” and “toward”. We are either moving away from some perceived danger or unpleasantness or towards something greater. While everybody is motivated by both to some degree, each us favors one over the other
You might at first think that the “toward” motivation seems so much better. It just seems so much more positive. But don’t be fooled “Away” motivation is mighty powerful force. It is often the memories of terrible poverty that drive people to great wealth. It is the humiliation of being fat that drives people to a healthier weight. “Toward” motivation can have it’s problems too. Some people are so blindly focused on their goal that they tend to overlook steps. This is of course not a terrible problem as long as the person is willing to keep going. We learn from our mistakes not our victories.

However it does demonstrate that towards motivation has its draw backs too. “Away” motivated people can also have their problems. Firstly there is a tendency sometimes for “away” motivated people to concentrate to much on the problem they are in rather than moving to something better. Also the stress of their situation can sometimes overwhelm them. It is important to remember to mover “Away” as early as possible. Keep alert for danger and make your move then.

NLP SMART GOALS

2011-09-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

If you have spend any time in the corporate world there is a good chance that you have heard of the SMART goals acronym. With this model goals had to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed. There is nothing wrong without this framework in fact it is a very good basis for goal setting but it can be improved. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) however will give this a turbo boost by adding in sensory specific information which will help you to modify your behaviour or find help in the form of additional resources.

If you want SMART goals that are even smarter then you need to work out what you want by using the well informed outcome process. NLP uses all your senses to design a SMART goal.

You will need to answer a series of questions which will allow to understand your true motivations for wanting to achieve your goals and you can weigh up the pros and cons of success versus failure.

Lets look at an example. Say your desired outcome is you want to have a better paid job. Firstly is the goal stated in the positive? Is the goal self initiated, maintained and within my control? Does the goal describe the evidence procedure? Is the context of the goal defined? Does the goal identify the necessary resources? Have I evaluated whether the goal is ecological? Does the goal identify the first step I need to take?
Lets break these steps down

Is the goal stated in the positive?

You must know clearly what your desired outcome is because you will need to maintain focus on that direction in order to achieve it. If you choose a vague like “I want to be healthier” or “I want to be richer” these goals will be too easy to be satisfied. Go for a walk. You are healthier. Goal accomplished. Or find a $10 note. You are wealthier. But you are unlikely to be totally satisfied with either of these outcomes. Instead be more specific such as “I want to have $100,000 by August 1^st 2012” This is a measureable goal in the positive from. The problem with putting goals in the negative form can be disempowering. And remember your subconscious mind reads all attention in the postive form. So if you state “I don’t want to be fat” All your subconscious mind hears is “I want to be fat”.

Is the goal self intiated, maintained and within my control

The goal has to come from you if you want it to be successful. Is it something that you want to achieve. A student might feel that her parents want her to enter law school. But when she comes to sit the entrance exam she fails miserably. The reason can be found in the fact that it wasn't ever her goal to enter law school. Also is the goal in your control. A goal like “I want to be a millionaire” is possibly not a bad goal but a better one might be a more specific goal that you can definitely control. For example work out how many sales calls you would have to make in order for you to achieve your financial goal. Choose a goal that you have complete control over.

Does the goal describe the evidence procedure

This could also be put as will you know if you have achieved your goal. Again this is why goals must be specific. You are unlikely to achieve a goal if you are not even sure whether it has been achieved or not
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Is the context of the goal clearly defined

Identify where, when , how and with whom do you want to achieve your goal.

Does the goal identify the necessary resources

What resources do you currently have? What resources do you need to acquire? Have you got any evidence of achieving this type of goal before? Consider acting liking you already have all the resources you require.

Evaluate whether the goal is ecological

Make sure the outcome fits in with all aspects of your life.

Does the goal identify the first step you need to take?

Remember that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Change often comes through not a huge breakthrough but through cumulative action. You must identify that first step you will take no matter how small it is.

Modelling NLP

2011-09-10T05:24:00.000-07:00

NLP had its roots in observing why some people are such effective communicators. It is because of this that modelling is so important in NLP. Here NLP offers a very powerful thought. If you can find someone who already has success at what you want to achieve. And you model their approach and learn how they do something. Then you can achieve what they have achieved. This means not only the physically do, but also their emotions and mentality.

In NLP Modelling is the ability to replicate completely the desirable competence of another person and by a process of getting into the unconscious behaviours underneath that skill. The NLP practitioner is able to code those behaviours into a model that they could then teach to other people so they can replicate that skill.
Traditionally when you wanted to learn a new skill you could do so by going to a class or reading to a book, or listening to CD’s or watching television. Modelling provides a way to fast track your ability to absorb a skill.

When starting out on your modelling project you need to identify specific underlying patterns in the way that your exemplar operates. Things that you should be looking out for a their beliefs and their values. The model that you will create will be a thing that stands apart from the exemplar. You will be able to take this template and teach other people and they in turn will be able to replicate the examplar's skill.
Modelling is the search to actually give an answer to the question “How do they do that?” We have heroes in our life. People that we look up to. And for the most part we can only look on with admiration. But imagine instead learning how to replicate their achievements. That is the essence of modelling. The most important thing is that you have a sense of curiosity. You have a problem that you need to solve.
Of course trying to learn how to replicate some ones success it will probably be overwhelming at first to replicate every aspect of their success. Say for example we wanted to achieve the same outcomes in our life as Barack Obama. We might want to look at first how to model is ability to give a speech. Obama is an excellent and highly effective public speaker. And this is a skill if we could model successfully would be of great benefit to us.

You may think this sounds difficult but it actually a very natural process. As humans most of our behaviour has in fact been modelled on someone else. Look for example they way you may laugh in the same manner as your mother. Modelling is just breaking this unconscious replication down so that it is repeatable. You probably learnt for example how to ride a bicycle from someone such as your father. You noticed what they did and then you replicated that behaviour. If you want to learn how be a champion bike race you will need to find someone else to model however. Unless of course your father happens to be Lance Armstrong.
When you choose to model someone you have to look beyond just the surface appearance. If for example we wanted to replicate Donald Trumps success we might think acting like a pompous arse is a great way to achieve financial wealth. But the way Trump acts on television is probably more than a little bit of an act. He presents himself as larger as life because that is what works for the camera. His success though is probably more down to factors such his personal drive, inability to give, his skill in negation and mental strategies which accustom him to success.

How do we decide then whether vanity for example is a good predictor of success? One way would be to look at two other successful businessmen and look for commonalities. Is vanity a feature common to all three businessmen? If not what do these three all have in common. If we can discover this then we have found something worth modelling.

The key stages in modelling can be broken down as follows.

Step One: Know your outcome
Step Two: Identify your exemplar
Step Three: Find a method of modelling that you can work with
Step Four: Gather your data
Step Five: Build your model
Step Six: Test your prototype
Step Seven: Refine for simplicity
Let’s break these steps down a little bit first

Know Your Outcome

Without knowing what your desired outcome is at the outset is, there is no way of knowing whether you have achieved that outcome. You need to know when to stop.

Identifying an exemplar

You need to find someone or sometimes a few people who are already achieving the success that you would like to achieve in a similar context to yourself. These examplar’s maybe unconsciously competent at whatever they do this means that they have reached such a high level of skill that they are no longer aware exactly how they do what they do. If you ask them how they do something they might just answer “I just do it.” Modelling is a process of investigation however and so you will need to dig a little deeper. It is generally easier to model an exemplar the closer they are to you. A public figure is often very difficult to model for two reasons. First you do not have easy access to that person on a regular basis making them difficult to model. Secondly they often have a “public persona” which makes modelling the true traits a little more difficult.
Find a modelling method you can work with
Modelling at its deepest level is about finding out how examplar’s experience their world so that they are able to do whatever they do to such proficiency. You cannot just replicate their physical actions but also they way they think, they feel and the way that they behave at any point in time. As someone starting out you will probably want to have some framework or a hypothesis in advance of starting your modelling project.
Look at the following factors when examine your exemplar. Look at who there environment, who they spend time with, and what they do. Look at their capabilities. What skills do these people have? What are their behaviours? What are their habits or strategies? What are their beliefs and values? What is important to these people? Who do they see themselves? And what is there purpose? How does what they do fit in with their bigger picture?

Gather your data

There are different ways of gathering your data. One is the unconscious uptake approach where you just spend as much time as you can with the person. You can gain an intuitive understanding of that person if you follow this approach. Don’t have any preconceived notions. Merely emulate what they do from breathing to they way they carry themselves. Try to feel what is like to be that person. Observe what they observe
Another approach is analytical information gathering. This is a much more structured approach which involves gathering data. This is sometimes a more useful approach if you don’t have personal access to your exemplar.

Building Your Model

Once you have your data, you will need to build a model which exhibits the patterns you have found in your exemplar. This template is a description of the patterns that would be needed if someone else wanted to replicate the exemplars outcome.

Test the Prototype

Once you have your model you are not finished yet. You need to test your model and look at how the model can be improved. Want to find out if it works? Teach it to someone else and see if they achieve the outcomes the exemplar achieved.

Refine for Simplicity

You need to find out if an aspect of exemplars behaviour is an essential element of their success. You should look for three occasions where this behaviour has been present in a successful outcome. You may need to look at multiple exemplars so that you can observe three separate occasions.
Of course a successful modelling project does not mean that you will necessarily be able to play golf as well as tiger woods. But by modelling him you can massively improve your own performance and thus your outcomes. Not only this by opening yourself up to successful people and spending time with them you will not be able to help being successful yourself.

Subconscious NLP

2011-09-10T05:20:00.000-07:00

How your unconscious mind can cause you to fail in your goals
Sometimes in life we may have a goal that we consciously want to achieve but we still end up doing something completely different. The reason for this can be that whilst consciously you are working towards that goal. Your unconscious mind is driving you in a completely different direction. By getting your unconscious mind in line with your conscious mind you will be able to achieve goals much quicker than you would have thought possible. A good example is the way many poor artists believe that there art can only be produced when they are in condition of material poverty. They on unconscious level believe that if they were materially wealthy they would no longer be able to produce such great art. So even if they may consciously decide that they wish to achieve some level of financial security they will undermine this on an unconscious level. By recognising this they can put both their unconscious and conscious desires into alignment and achieve whatever it is they want to achieve.
The unconscious mind is a much more powerful player in the way that we act than the conscious mind. If you were to use the analogy of an iceberg. The conscious mind is the small tip out of the water the unconscious mind is the nine tenths which is underneath the water.
Getting to understand your unconscious mind therefore is very important. First off an important understanding is that your unconscious mind cannot process negatives. If I was to say to you do not think about the color red. Immediately you will think of the color red, before you are able to think of another color to take its place. Take another example such as the thought “I don’t want to be fat.” Your unconscious mind doesn't hear the “I don’t want to be” part. It only hears the “fat” part. As a result you end up getting fatter. Even though this is not your stated goal.
It’s a bit of a cliché in self improvement circles. But it’s a cliche because it’s true. You must put your goals in the positive. A much better goal would have been “I want to be toned and healthy.” You need to focus your mind on what you do want, not want you don’t want.
Also your unconscious mind needs direction. If your conscious mind doesn’t provide a direction for it, then somebody else will. This is why hanging out with the wrong type of person can be so detrimental if you do not have a strong sense of direction yourself.
You receive so much information everyday that you need someway to filter this information. The filtering mechanism which you employ is called the Reticular Activating System or RAS. This alerts our brain to certain stimuli and tells it to pay attention. The type of data the it lets in through its filters must meet one of the following criteria.
Firstly it will allow the information to enter your brain if the information is important to your survival. Even if you are not paying attention when walking down the side walk, if you see a car careening out of control your mind will quickly pay attention. It also lets in information that has a novelty factor. For example when you purchase a new car you will probably notice all the lovely new features of that car but after awhile the novelty wears off and these features just become part of the background.
Also if information has high emotional content it will be let in. imagine you have lost a child in a crowded shopping centre. As you search through all the other people if you catch the slightest glance of the child you will zero. Finding your child has a high emotional value and so you will discard all the other unnecessary information.

NLP Milton Model

2011-09-10T05:17:00.000-07:00

The Milton model was designed by famed teacher, therapist and hypnotherapist pioneer Milton Erickson (1901 -1980). Milton was a huge influence on John Grinder and Richard Bandler who were the founders of NLP. The basic patterns of NLP were founded on the Milton Model. The Milton model is vague in contrast to the meta model which is aimed at obtaining specific information. Erikson was highly skilled at inducing trance states and making significant changes in his patients. He would start with pacing the patients reality and then start to lead the patient so that he introduce new ways of thinking. Miltons style of therapy was permissive in that it respected the clients reality.

The Milton model can be described as a set of language patterns which can be used to induce someone into a trance state. In this state the person is able to access unconscious resources which allow them to make changes in their own lives.

The Milton Model identifies the same language patterns that were seen in the Meta Model. This are deletion, generalisation and distortion. You can access this information on here: Meta Model NLP. It is worth reading this before proceeding as you will probably find it difficult to follow this hub without this prior information. As you saw in the meta model when faced with a deletion statement, you may will confront this statement but with Milton Model you will respond with something like “As you make sense of this in your own time..” or with a generalisation you might use “Every time you feel like this..” As you can see it is sharp contrast to the meta model approach.

You can also add tag questions to the end of a statement which will invite agreement. These are effective as they distract the conscious mind of the person you are talking to, as it something they can agree with. The result is that the tag question goes directly to the unconscious mind and is consequently acted on. Here are some examples “You can, can’t you?” “This is easy, isn’t it?

Another interesting element of the Milton Model is embedded commands which are sentences which contain with them the result desired by the therapist. For example ““I think you’ll be wise if you invest in this property today.” The idea behind embedded commands is that said directions straight to the unconscious mind without it being blocked by the conscious minds. For the command part of the sentence it should be emphasised in some way such as deepening your voice when speaking this part of the sentence.

Another concept from the Milton model is double blinds. These give people options but at the same time they are limited. For example “Would you like to talk to me before or after the meeting.” In either scenario that you would like, talking to the person, will take place. But it gives the feeling of a choice.

NLP Rapport

2011-09-10T05:14:00.000-07:00

Other people play a vital role in our lives and our future success. Even though when creating goals we want to make sure that they are within our internal control. Being able to influence others and get them to move along the path that we set is vital for achieving outstanding things.

If you are in a role that requires any type of sales, and this includes almost everyone to some degree, then being able to have people enjoy being in your company is vital. If you cannot make a connection with someone then you will find it very difficult to sell them anything. Selling does not just have to be about getting someone to by a product either. Whether it is a teacher “selling” her ideas to her students or a politician “Selling” some infrastructure project to the public we all need to convince people of the validity of our ideas.

As humans we tend to like people that are similar to ourselves. Of course not everyone that you communicate with is going to be similar to you. Remember though as covered in the basics of NLP, the responsibility of communication is on the communication. So how do we communicate with people that maybe very different to us. The answer to this question. Of how to create rapport with anyone you meet is one of the major keys to success.

So how do you create this rapport with people? Firstly you need to take a genuine interest in people. This is not about gaining a superficial interest so that you are able to move some product or service on them. But actually finding what they are about. You should know what they really need, about that personal circumstances.

Look at the keywords and phrases that the person is using. What are the metaphors they employ in their language. If you can note what kind of language they are using you can subtly change your own language to match that of the person you are communicating with. This is the same for volume and tone. If the person you are talking to is a slow talker. Then slow your own conversation down. If they are a faster talker then speed up your conversation.

Rapport is all about getting in sync with the other person. One great way to do this is to notice their breathing patterns and start to replicate there breathing patterns. Watch their chest and neck to see when they inhale and exhale. Match your breathing to this.

Body language is also very important. We communicate the majority of what we are saying through our body language. Even if we talk exactly the same as the other person if our body language is very different then we will not be in rapport. See how they are standing, how close do they stand to you. Watch for clues to the distance that like to maintain for their personal space and do not intrude into this. Are their arms crossed or uncrossed. To not be obvious but you should mimic the other persons actions.

These is a great starting point for how to gain rapport with people. Even if you do only these steps then you will be in rapport with the person that you are communicating with. By being aware of how to create rapport. You will be readily able to appreciate the difference between being in and out of rapport. Have a look around next time you are in a social gathering like a party. You will quickly note which of the people are in rapport with each other and who aren't. There is a step above this basic level of rapport however. By using advanced techniques of rapport you will be able to lead the other person. This will be covered in advanced rapport techniques.

NLP Rapport

2011-09-10T03:04:00.000-07:00

Metaphors NLP

2011-09-10T03:02:00.000-07:00

We use metaphors because words can only reach so deep. After that we need a way to reach the unconscious level. Stories can let you connect with people in a way that a logical argument never can. In the NLP metaphors are about building rapport.

Your brain is able to make connections. When we hear something unfamiliar we are able to think this reminds of another thing I know. This is why we are able to understand metaphors. We are able to see the patterns. Using metaphors your are able to come up with new meanings, new thoughts and solve problems in ways you had not considered before.

All good stories follow the same pattern. There is a hero. They face a journey, along which they have to overcome difficulties. In the end there is a resolution. Stories can be told as a form of entertainment. But they are much more than this. They can introduce new ideas or illustrate a point the speaker wishes to make. You can take a complex and simplify it so that anybody can understand it. You can challenge people and you can comfort people. Stories can reach people and hold their attention in a way that pure facts cannot. If you look at an effective public speaker like Steve Jobs you will note that when he presents to a group he will use a story. For example when he gave a speech about the Iphone. Listen to how he tells a story about the iphone, how he goes back into the past through to the present. Listing historic revolutionary moments. Reciting pure facts is not as powerful.

Stories have been historically a way of passing down information. They are a way for past generations to connect with the present and the future. We acquire ideals of industry and thrift from tales of our grandparents enduring the depression.

So what exactly is a metaphor? Put simply a metaphor is drawing a parallel between two things which are usually unrelated. It is a way of describing a situation by making reference to a different one. It provides new light, and new way of looking things. We can use metaphors to shape peoples experiences and perceptions.

Sometimes people are more comfortable describing a situation in metaphor than a literal description. For example when a political leader is describing a country he the throws of depression, he might not talk about soaring unemployment or factory closures. He might instead talk about “having to sail through rough seas.”

Metaphors can also be of two types. These are direct metaphors and indirect metaphors. A direct metaphor would be of the type where there is a direct link between the two situations were the parallel is drawn. With and indirect metaphor the comparison is less obvious.

One great way to learn how to tell good metaphorical stories is to write your own story down. Tell the story of your own life with yourself as the hero. Explain the journey that you have been on, the difficulties that you have overcome. And what is the resolution of your story? Where have you arrived at?

Metaphorical Stories are a mightier weapon than we may at first think. People’s ability to lead is based on their ability to convince, to persuade, to make people see things from a different direction. If you can master the art of story telling you will be on the road to greatness.

Improving Self Esteem With NLP

2011-09-10T02:59:00.000-07:00

We are often held back from achieving as much as we should by negative self evaluation. People use two ways of putting themselves down. They create internal pictures of themselves failing or making mistakes. And they hear an internal voice which berates them, telling them what they are doing wrong.

An example of this is the way will imagine our future failure. You may have a speech that you need to give in front of your colleagues. You will make a mental picture of yourself stuttering or being nervous. Or that your colleagues will not enjoy your presentation and become bored. Or how many times have you said something and then for days after scolded yourself? Saying “I can’t believe you said that.” And mentally replaying the statement over and over again in your mind.

In this hub I will discuss how you can tackle these problems in order to create a healthy sense of self esteem. Lets look at the negative internal voice. Think back to an occasion where you have been self critical in your internal dialogue. Take yourself back to that moment and replay the dialogue. Now the voice that you’re here will have a certain tonality and volume. Now experiment with the “switches” on the tonality and volume. If it is loud, replay it but this time much quieter. If it is a slow voice play it fast. Change it so it sounds like a chipmunk voice.

Next we want to look at the intentions of the voice. A central tenet of NLP is that all actions have a positive intent. If this positive intent is hidden by a negative result it is called secondary gain. Check out this hub on secondary gain to learn more about this concept.

You have to try and discover what this positive intention is. You do this by asking yourself questions. In this case treat this internal voice like it is another person and trying to ask it questions so you can get to its true intent. For example you might ask “why are you saying this to me?” The voice might reply “In order to punish you.” You might ask then “why are you punishing me?” And it might reply “In order to get you motivated.” Once you have discovered the true positive intent behind this critical voice you can say “Thank You I now see why you are saying this to me.” Once you are working off the same page you will be in congruence with your internal voice and you will be in a position to create a better outcome

Know that you are heading in the same direction as your internal voice you can find more health ways of achieving the same positive intent. You can suggest to your internal voice ways for example that you could become more motivated without having to punish yourself. Essentially you can negotiate with your internal voice until you find a way of achieving your outcome that is mutually satisfactory.

You will need to access the creative part of yourself to find behaviours that will satisfy the outcome that you desire. Spend plenty of time on this until you have a significant list of behaviours that you could use. Now looking forward into the future test these behaviours in your mind and see how effective that will actually be. If you can mentally see that these will be effective then your internal voice is much more likely to accept them.

NLP Goal Setting

2011-09-10T02:56:00.000-07:00

Goal setting is a deeply individual process, and would not suggest that anyone goals are correct or incorrect. Only you know the answer to that. But it is possible when setting your goals you are falling into certain traps that will make your goals harder to achieve and even if you do achieve them leave you still feeling unsatisfied

TRAP ONE: The Endless Vacation

A common fantasy is a life without work. Moving to a tropical island and never working another day in our life again. Sleeping past noon and never busting our back again. When we don’t like our work, we tend to view all work through this lense. We think that if we could remove all work then we would be happy. I would suggest that this problematic in a few different aspects. Firstly the work that would be required of you to achieve your “millionaire bum” lifestyle will require a lot more work not less. Where will you find the energy to do this if you are constantly resentful of having to work? Secondly almost anything that is truly satisfying in life actually requires hard work, a life of ease might sound great but it will also be a life without the satisfaction of hard won victory. It is much better to first take a break, remove yourself from the work you hate, and then plan what it is you really want to achieve. Find work that you can do everyday and love and you’ll never have to work another day in your life.

TRAP TWO: Bling Bling and Toys

There is no denying that it can be really nice to have nice things, but is it enough to really drive you and will it really leave you feeling satisfied if you achieve it. If you set a goal of buying a fancy new car, and you manage to achieve it would suggest that you will derive more satisfaction from the fact you were able to make yourself achieve your goal. To actualise something that did not exist before. Than from the car itself. Stop and think for a second about the huge amount of money the advertising industry spends on trying to make you want things. Be certain that when you plan a toy orientated goal that it really is something that you want. Otherwise there maybe be meaningful goals that you could set.

TRAP THREE: MONEY GOALS

Money goals are maybe the most common goal people set. And there is nothing wrong with them. You do need a certain amount of money to have a feeling of security and freedom. Its great to have enough money to take a vacation when you want to. To visit new places. To be able to live in the kind of place you deserve. But remember money in itself is that worth anything. Its what you trade it for. If you think that money will buy you freedom there are probably easier ways of getting that freedom. When goal setting think about why it is you want that money? What will you do with? Will it be part of a larger mission?

The reason these questions are so important is that in trying to reach your goals you will encounter obstacles. If you have not set a strong enough goal that you feel totally committed to, chances are you will give up. Don’t let this happen to you. Think carefully about your goals, and set goals that are true to you.

Goal Setting Process

2011-09-10T02:54:00.000-07:00

Before you can achieve anything in life you must know what it is that you want. You must also be sure that what you want is actually worth achieving. This hub will deal with the goal achieving process, but I recommend you read the post pitfalls of goal setting first to make sure that your goals are truly something you want to achieve. Creating a well formed goal that is incredibly meaningful to you will make the process of achieving it much more effortless.

Remember that goals should always be positive. Your mind reads all that it is inputted to as a positive and cannot distinguish between this and any negative input you might give it. This is important because if you set a goal of “I don’t want to be fat” Your unconscious mind won’t hear the “I don’t..” part. So you shouldn't be surprised if you actually end up fatter after setting this goal!

Also you want to put yourself in the drives seat. Make sure that you are in complete control over your goal. Don’t rely on other people to change in order for you to achieve your goal. For example if you set the goal of making $10,000 next week this may be something that requires external elements to go in your favour. If these do not go in your favor then it maybe disheartening. But if you set a goal of making 100 sales calls next week then you are in complete control. You can make yourself make those calls. One way I like to look at it is as a numbers game. Take a monetary goal. Say that you want to earn $2000 a week. Say in order to achieve that figure you need to make 10 sales at $200 each. You know by looking at your past performance that if you make 20 calls you will get one sale on average. Maybe sometimes a little bit more sometimes less but on average it works out at about that. From there it is just a matter of making the right number of calls 200 calls = 10 sales. 10 sales = $2000. And you are in control of the number of calls you make. This type of math can be applied to all sorts of areas. Bring your goals back to something that you have direct control over
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Next you want to make sure that you will have evidence that you have achieved your goal. There needs to be a benchmark. This is why goals should be specific. For example looking at the sales call example. Our goal is 200 calls. It is very clear whether you have managed to achieve your goal or not. There is no uncertainty around it. If your goal is more nebulous you will never know the true satisfaction of achieving your goal. An example of a bad goal is “I want to lose weight” or “I want to have six pack abs”. With these goals there is no way of knowing whether you have truly achieved what you want. With the first one even if you lost a gram, you have achieved your benchmark but would you be truly happy with this result? I doubt it. A much better goal would be “I want to have 15% body fat” or “I want to weigh 70kgs” These are specific goals that you can work towards.

Next break the goal into smaller sub goals that you can start to work on achieving on. Especially with very long term goals you need to have smaller goals that you can achieve on shorter term basis which will lead you to the larger goal. Also you want to make sure that you identify the first step that you need to take for your goals. In order to take achieve your goals you will need momentum. And this can be found in taking that first no matter how small. Work out what you can do right now to get yourself started.

Follow Alexander the Great with NLP!

2011-08-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Are you feeling a little uninspired? Feeling like nothing you do is that significant? Here is an exercise to help you break out of that and help you define your life's mission

We are all capable of greatness. When we look to our heroes we think that they are somehow apart from us. That we do not have what the have. But remember they were once “normal citizens”.

One of my favourite stories is of Julius Caesar. At the age of thirty he was posted to a village were he was minor functionary. Seeing a statue of his hero Alexander the Great. He fell to the ground and wept. Because by the time Alexander was his age he had already conquered the known world and Caesar was still a small town government official.

Later though Caesars name would become the living definition of power it is were the word csar is derived from. At that moment though Caesar did not yet know of his future greatness although his potential was already there.Whoever it is that you admire, whatever strengths they embody to you.

Remember that you are just as capable of achieving what they have as well.This thought exercise will allow you to step inside your heroes shoes and see what it is to have a life's mission.

Step One : Think of someone who inspires you. It maybe a great humanitarian like Florence Nightingale, or a great leader like John F Kennedy. Or it might be someone that you know personally. It can even be a fictional person. If Captain America personifies your idea of greatness and moral courage then that is a fine choice too

Step Two: Choose a goal that your particular here achieved. For example say you loved the Social Network and your hero is Mark Zuckerberg. Maybe it was the scene when is furiously writing the code that will help to create Facebook. Or your hero might be Gandhi. Here maybe the goal was giving a speech that would inspire people to civil disobedience.

No matter what the goal achieved was make a short film in your head of about thirty seconds of them achieving that goal. See the image up close, in full colour, hear the sounds and feel what it is like. Make it as inspiring as possible. Now run the movie back to the beginning and place it on pause.

Step Three: Become your hero, take their role in the movie. Think about what is motivating them, what there mission is. Now play the movie but this time with you in the heros role

Step Four: Staying in that role ask yourself why did I take this action to achieve the goal? How did the goal fit into my mission? What did it feel like to achieve this goal?

Step Five: Think about what resources becoming your hero has brought in you which will help you achieve your mission.
Hopefully by completing this exercise you have gained a feeling for what it is like to pursue mission orientated goals. Remember your heroes were once like you too.

The Meta Model in Nlp

2011-08-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

The meta model clarifies the meaning of what people say. It is a tool to get a great understanding of the person who you are talking to experience which is coded through their speech.

The meta model states that when people talk three processes take place. The first of these is deletion, this means that when people talk the tend not to tell the whole story. The second is generalisation this means that they tend to extrapolate from one experience to another. And distortion means that people tend to distort reality by allowing their imaginations full reign.

The meta model provides you with questions you can ask which will allow you to overcome these deletions, generalisations and distortions.

So that you do not have process every single word whilst listening you ignore many additional sound. When you are speaking you do not share everything you could otherwise there would be too many details. These two actions are know as deletion.

Whilst deletion is helpful in that it stops your brain being overloaded with too much information it does have its downside too. A classic deletion problem is that people are selective in their hearing in a negative way. For example they will hear criticism but tune out compliments.

Generalisation can be a useful skill. It allows us to make judgements based on past experiments. We see a bed and we know we can lie down on it because we have seen beds before in the past. We can generalise from our past experiences.

Common words associated with generalisations are “all” “never” and “every”. But generalising can also have serious downsides. Our generalisations especially about people are often incorrect.

Distortion occurs because we all have our own internal map of the world (see NLP Basics) essentially we all view our experiences through this. This is why four different people can all participate in the same event and all end up viewing it differently.

Distortion also occurs when we make assumptions about what other people are thinking. We often think that people are thinking the worst of us but this is in fact only our distortion.

We can use the meta model to look through deletion, distortion and generalisation. When using the meta model first you want to challenge distortions, then generalisations and then deletions.

When listening to someone speaking look for the patterns of distortion, generalisation or deletion. Then intervene with the right question, for distortion this is “how do you know.” For generalisation this is “Is that always the case” and for deletion “tell me more” or “who,what,where,why,how” type questions.